EPISODE 001: The Mentalist Who Couldn’t Read the Room

Tales From the Crimp: Cautionary Stories From Behind the Curtain

I recently heard a story about a “magician” who performed at an IBM meeting. The lack of professionalism and self-awareness was stunning. So I figured I’d share it, partly as a cautionary tale and partly because… well, it’s not often we magicians get to be in disbelief!

So the guy gets on stage after two performers and the first thing he says is, “Just a heads up. I’m not a magician. I’m above all that. I’m actually a mentalist.” Then goes on, “Yeah, they pull rabbits out of hats, but that’s child’s play compared to what I’m about to do.”

By itself you may think he was just being sarcastic, and I’m sure he thought he was. But at what expense? 

Back in the day, before becoming a magician, we would go out to make contact with members of the opposite sex. It was very common to see guys bashing each other in front of women to make themselves look better. But we never did that. Our belief was, “Whoever I’m with is the coolest person of all time.” Why? Because if you’re calling your friend a loser, what does that say about you?

There is no good reason to tear down another magician in order to bring yourself up. That’s what this guy was doing, and he didn’t look any better for it.

Next, he brings a spectator on stage for a book test. He begins by saying, “It’s always embarrassing if I get somebody up here who doesn’t know how to read, so I’m going to give you a little test before we get into this to make sure you know how.”

He’s not wrong in that it would be embarrassing, and if you’ve done book tests long enough you know that this is an actual possibility. But wow, you’ve already got the spectator on stage. It’s a little late to “spare” them the embarrassment.

The truth, as you’ll see, is that this is part of his act. If he actually cared to spare someone, he would build that into his selection process. For example, “My mom was the first one to prove that Kindle Unlimited actually has limits. Who else gets a good book and just can’t put it down?”

Now you know that whoever raises their hand knows how to read, and enjoys it. By the way, my mom did actually prove that ;)

Okay, so he’s running his test. He’s got these little signs (think dual reality principle) to where the spectator sees one thing but the audience sees something else.

Round one says one thing but the audience sees “dog”. Round two is something similar but the audience sees “cat”. Up to this point he’s established twice now that the spectator can’t read. Could this get any worse? Of course it can!

On the third round, the spectator reads out loud, “You’re an idiot”. Then when this “mentalist” turns it around to the audience it says, “Martin Luther King, Jr.”

Wow.

He’s made the spectator look dumb twice, then look like an a-hole for calling the mentalist an idiot. And as a finale… brings in a very dicey punchline that lands absolutely flat.

Why MLK Jr? It didn’t strike me as anything racist, initially, but I can see how it could easily be taken that way.

What was the payoff there? Who benefited from such terrible judgment? I couldn’t see it.

Later in the act, he’s got five people on stage. Two white guys and three ladies, one of them black.

He starts off by saying how he’s the only mentalist in the world who has some sort of ESP “smell” ability. This struck me as a complete rip off of another mentalist I know who’s been doing a routine like this for years. But this wasn’t the worst part.

Each spectator has written something on a card, those cards go into envelopes, the envelopes get passed to him, and while blindfolded he’s going to be able to smell who each one is from. 

He could have just smelled the envelopes, played it up as he walked about on stage, but no… that would have been the “appropriate” thing to do.

Instead, he walks up to each of them, putting his nose on their body. Yes. He physically puts his nose on their body.

But anyway, the first guy was an older gentleman, close to his 70s. And this mentalist goes, “Oh wow. Yeah. Okay. You smell like, um… You smell like a 16-year-old...” 

“... bottle of Scotch.”

In isolation, this struck me as funny. But context matters. And this dude has been striking out since stepping up to the plate. This was another swing and a miss, especially since nobody really laughed.

Like, what are we to make of that comment? That this older gentleman smells fresh like a young kid? Of course not, kids smell like pizza and cotton candy vapes.

Okay. So then what? That this dude has been in physical contact with underage kids? Again, just very poor judgment in my opinion.

The second one was, “You smell like laundry…”

“...that’s been sitting around for two weeks.”

Skipping to the last spectator, the black woman, he simply says, “You smell like weed,” and walks away. 

Damn.

Weed has been legal in many states for some time now, so I’m not sure if there are negative stereotypes still associated with it. But with everything leading up to this moment, it certainly didn’t feel random.

Going back to this “I’m above magicians” bit. At the end of his show, after this entire mentalism act, he says, “I’m going to leave you with a toast that I do for every audience I perform for.”

And he proceeds with this incredibly cliche message that was actually very sincere-sounding. It was something like, “May you dance like nobody’s watching. May you laugh like you just don’t care...”

There was no joke to it. It came across as genuine.

All he had to do at this point was to say thank you and walk off the stage.

But that’s not our guy. He would never let a good moment go unpunished. So what does he do?

Well, he’s not a magician, he’s above that. He doesn’t do silly stuff like pulling rabbits from hats. He’s a mentalist.

So instead, he pumps his fist into the air and BAM. A four-foot wand springs into action.

No music. No audio cue. Just a loud clank as this big metal wand pops open.

That was it.

CONCLUDING THOUGHTS

We've all been guilty of the occasional oversight or misstep, and have forgotten to read the room from time to time. But this was something deeper and much worse: This was contempt masquerading as confidence. 

He seems to have thought he was clever, superior, and provocative, but instead came off as mean, awkward, amateurish, insecure, invasive, unoriginal, and careless.

This is where someone might bring up The Amazing Jonathan. “But he insulted people!” Yeah, and he also spent the whole show making himself look like a deranged cartoon character with a death wish. His act wasn’t saying, “I’m above you.” It was saying, “Everything here is stupid, including me.” Big difference.

MY TAKEAWAY

To me this story serves as a reminder to be mindful of how what I say and do can have an impact beyond their intended purpose. It also makes me think about where I can improve in my act. Even if I’m not condescending or making off-color jokes, am I missing opportunities to build up my spectators? To make them shine? 

One of the greatest joys of performing Lucky Ladybug is that moment when the crowd goes “aww”, and for that short moment your spectator becomes the star. It’s beautiful.

If you have comments on this story, or a cautionary tale of your own, please message me here. I appreciate different perspectives, and I’m always open to publishing stories other performers can learn from.

/ Buck Deuce Gala Magic